


Heartbeats

by starchitect



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, Canon Dialogue, Gen, Neku has asthma cuz I said so, events of w1d5 and w2d5 are mentioned, with some fluff. as a treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starchitect/pseuds/starchitect
Summary: Any and all doubts about whether this Game is some fever dream or not are all thrown out the window by now. This is for real. Neku doesn’t have a heartbeat. And no matter how hard he concentrates, or where on his body he checks for a pulse—his neck, his temple, his wrist—there’s nothing there. Nothing to indicate that somehow, he’s still alive, and that this Game is all just a bad dream.He wants to throw up.
Relationships: Joshneku crumbs if you squint, implied Neshiki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna click the little checkmark cuz I'm a coward but I'm in love with [Lonely Worlds](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648643/chapters/67652803#workskin) by TurnUps and I really liked the idea of the Players having no heartbeat in the UG and the way Neku would tap out a beat on a table to mimic his heartbeat because he's still getting used to having one post-game so I went into more detail on how he feels about that while still in the Game

_“You’re dead. Didn’t you know?”_

Those words still ring in his head. _Dead._ It doesn’t feel real. It feels more like something in his imagination, but the more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense.

Neku is dead. Like, _actually_ dead. It’s not a dream, nor some sick idea of a joke, as hard as that is to believe. Apparently he died somewhere, sometime—though he doesn’t remember it—and now he’s playing the Reaper’s Game. Fighting for his life. Fighting to come _back_ to life. Honestly, calling this cruel series of trials a game is a joke.

To be honest, Neku didn’t want to believe it at first. Being dead, that is. But after gently pressing a hand to his chest, he found that Higashizawa’s words from yesterday rang true.

He’s dead. And he doesn’t have a heartbeat. Truthfully, that didn’t seem real at first, either, but even Shiki had said she didn’t hear anything when he had asked her to listen for him. It had been a little awkward, having her head pressed up against his chest, but after hearing her tell him that his heart wasn’t beating, any and all embarrassment immediately dissipated. Neku had even tried running for a few minutes to try and make his heart beat faster and harder, but in the end, Shiki still frowned and shook her head.

And that was another thing. Normally, Neku could only run for about thirty seconds before his asthma started to eat at his lungs, but in the UG, he could run for entire minutes and still feel fine, besides a bit winded. If the fact that his heart was silent didn’t confirm the reality that he was dead, then this definitely did.

So any and all doubts about whether this Game is some fever dream or not are all thrown out the window by now. This is for real. Neku doesn’t have a heartbeat, and neither does Shiki. And no matter how hard Neku concentrates, or where on his body he checks for a pulse—his neck, his temple, his wrist—there’s nothing there. Nothing to indicate that somehow, he’s still alive, and that this Game is all just a bad dream. 

Neku is dead. Really, truly dead. And the Game is his only chance at returning to life.

He wants to throw up.

* * *

A day goes by, and Neku tries not to think about it. Being dead. Because the more he thinks about it, the more anxious he becomes, and being anxious is only going to distract him from the missions. So he avoids putting his hands anywhere near his chest, because he doesn’t want to be reminded of his nonexistent heartbeat. He even refrains from crossing his arms out of habit—he can’t stand not being able to feel that steady rhythm, always in harmony with the one in his ears. But without anything to do with his hands, Neku just feels awkward. So instead, he ends up digging them deep into his pockets and fiddling with loose threads and unused pins.

It’s far from ideal, but anything is better than the reminder. The reminder that no matter how deeply he breathes, his lungs aren’t expanding and contracting. His heart isn’t pumping any blood. And, Neku will admit, it _is_ nice not to have to worry about his asthma here in the UG, but at the same time, he’s _dead,_ so is it really worth debating which one he would rather be? Dead and without health concerns, or _living and breathing?_ It’s obvious. He’d rather be alive, thank you very much.

And as the minutes tick by, being alive finally feels within reach. They’ve made it to the end of the week. He and Shiki. This is it. Day seven. The final chapter of the Reaper’s Game. After today, Neku and Shiki will be able to return to the RG. Return to life. Return to themselves.

Neku will definitely be seeing Shiki after today, even though he just said he’d “think it over”. And yet, for some reason, as they prepare to make their way to the freeway, he can’t help but feel like this is some kind of goodbye. Like he should tie up any loose ends before heading into the final battle.

“Hey, Stalker,” he mutters, effectively stopping his partner in her tracks. She turns to face him with a slight frown.

“You know that’s not my name, right?”

“Whatever.” He rolls his eyes. “Listen, I…”

Neku raises his arms to cross them, but then remembers his heart and shoves them back in his pockets. He’s suddenly feeling really awkward. And it’s not like he shouldn’t be, what he’s about to say would be embarrassing for anyone, he thinks, but he _has_ to say this. It’s only right.

“Neku?”

“Look, I’m— I’m sorry,” he chokes out, ducking into his collar. “For, um. Trying to kill you. I mean— I guess you were already dead, but that was…”

He trails off, unsure of where to go from there. He’s expecting Shiki to interject, but when she doesn’t, Neku sighs and tacks on one more statement.

“...I shouldn’t have listened to that Reaper.”

It’s not perfect, but it’ll do, he supposes. Except Shiki still doesn’t respond right away, and Neku sinks further into discomfort. The tension he just created is going to choke him, he’s sure of it. He tries tugging on one of his spikes to distract himself, but Shiki’s silence is only making it worse. He resists the urge to sigh again.

Another painful moment passes, and Neku decides to chance a glance at his partner, just in time to catch her grip on Mr. Mew tightening ever so slightly. Her brown eyes are wide and her cheeks slightly flushed, and Neku wonders if she’s going to start crying. 

(He hopes not. He wouldn’t know what to do if she did.)

Then, finally, Shiki opens her mouth to speak, and Neku braces himself for the worst.

“You’re… Apologizing? Again?”

It’s not what he expected her to say. Although, he’s not sure what he _was_ expecting either.

He scoffs, suddenly feeling stupid. His face is warm.

“Y-yeah? So what?”

What happens next is what truly catches Neku off guard. Because Shiki suddenly squints and steps closer, right into his personal space. Mr. Mew’s soulless eyes cast judgment upon him.

“Do you mean it?”

...What kind of question is that?

This is just torture now. Neku already feels weird apologizing again, but apologizing for trying to _kill someone_ is embarrassing in its own right. Because it means admitting that he was dumb enough to actually try taking someone else’s life for his own benefit. Like that wouldn’t latch onto his conscience and haunt him forever.

He huffs and averts his eyes, cheeks reddening. “I said it, didn’t I? What more do you want, a love confession?”

Shiki just laughs at that before stepping back to a comfortable distance. She brings Mr. Mew up to her face.

“And what if I did?”

Neku turns a shade darker. Now he’s just being teased. Unfair. He rolls his eyes dramatically and tugs his collar over his face to hide his blush.

“Don’t hold your breath.”

Shiki laughs again, although it’s more of a giggle this time, and for a moment, Neku is able to forget that he doesn’t have a heartbeat.

(And when they keep moving, he finds himself looking forward to meeting up with Shiki in the RG, alive and breathing once again.)

* * *

When Neku met Joshua, he was curious about his death. Joshua seemed awfully calm for someone who had supposedly just died, and with the way that kid handled things, it felt like Neku was the only one who actually gave a damn about coming back to life. It was almost as if Joshua _wanted_ to be here, in the UG.

Neku had thought it no more than a little strange at first, but then it became suspicious. And after that last encounter with Yashiro and Kariya, he can’t help but feel uneasy. But to be fair, this is _Joshua,_ so what else is new?

Kariya had said something about Joshua being alive. _Alive._ In the UG. Playing the Reaper’s Game. The thought makes Neku sick. It doesn’t seem possible, but Joshua had crushed all of Neku’s expectations from the start, so he supposes it shouldn’t be all that surprising if true.

Still, he has to know if that Reaper was lying or not. He rounds on his partner.

“Joshua… Was that true? You’re alive?”

Just saying the words makes Neku want to hurl. Joshua’s smug, all-knowing grin isn’t making things better.

The boy in question takes his time to reply, inspecting his nails and twirling his hair absentmindedly as if Neku didn’t just ask him a question. He hums thoughtfully, and with each passing second, the dread pooling in Neku’s stomach increases.

“...Cat’s out of the bag,” Joshua eventually answers, with a noncommittal shrug. He makes eye contact on his next statement. Fierce. Unwavering.

“Yes, Neku. I’m playing the Game alive.”

The way he says it with such conviction tempts Neku to believe him, but again, this is _Joshua._ There’s no way Neku can just take his words at face value.

So he lowers his arms, slowly, and approaches Joshua with the calmness of a lion preying on a gazelle. He can’t afford to blow up just yet. He has to keep his cool for now. 

He prowls until the two of them are but a few inches apart, and when the gazelle doesn’t dart away, Neku raises an arm and rests his hand softly on Joshua’s chest. Watching. Waiting.

“My, my, you’re forward today. Can I take this as a confession?”

Neku shoots him a death glare. If looks could kill.

_Oh, wait._

“Shut up,” he mutters. Still waiting. Concentrating. He turns the volume up on his mp3 player.

And then there it is. _Thump, thump…_ A faint, but steady rhythm. Joshua’s heartbeat. _Thump, thump…_ A _living_ heartbeat. Slow and easy, taking its time. Calm and relaxed. It clashes horribly with the electric beat flowing through Neku’s headphones, fast-paced and full of energy. _Badum, badum, badum, badum—_

Neku has had enough. He wrenches his hand away as though he’d been burned, and Joshua does little more than raise his eyebrows. Doesn’t comment. Doesn’t smirk. Just watches.

“You’re…” Neku can’t even form the word on his lips. _Alive._ Joshua is _alive._ He has a heartbeat. And Neku doesn’t. Joshua’s still living and breathing, oxygen flowing through his lungs and blood pumping throughout his body, while Neku is still _dead,_ with no pulse, no heartbeat, he’s just _cold and dead_ and what the _hell_ is going on—

Neku blinks and takes Joshua’s wrist in his hand just to make sure. Sure enough, the same gentle rhythm is there to greet him. _Thump, thump… Thump, thump…_

He feels sick for the first time in a week.

“But how can...”

“There’s a loophole to everything,” Joshua answers coolly. “Sneaking in means I don’t have a Player Pin, but such is life.”

He says it so nonchalantly. Like playing a game for the _dead_ while _still alive_ is nothing to worry about. Like it’s not something that could potentially jeopardize Neku’s chances of saving himself and Shiki.

Neku growls and clenches his fists. “So you just—”

“Please, it’s not a big deal.” Joshua is back to inspecting his nails again. Perfect nails. “We formed a valid pact. We’re just like any other pair, Neku.”

He looks like he couldn’t care less about the situation. Neku’s blood boils.

“...No.”

They’re not. The two of them are anything _but_ like every other pair of Players. Joshua is bending the rules of the Game. And— And for what? Enjoyment? Watching Neku suffer? He did say he had been watching Neku back on day one... But why? And what does that even mean? Neku didn’t see anyone like him in the beginning. Maybe he had been watching him from the RG—Mr. H mentioned that Joshua could see the UG and everyone in it, but Neku isn’t sure how much of that statement he can trust, even if Hanekoma _is_ CAT.

Neku’s head hurts thinking about all this. Whatever Joshua is, it’s definitely not normal.

His partner tilts his head, ashy blond curls swaying with the motion.

“Hmm? I didn’t catch that.”

Neku growls again. And for a brief second, he forgets not to cross his arms. When he does, the absence of that familiar rhythm is what drives him over the edge. All he’s left with is the violent beat of the music flooding his ears.

The lion is tired of watching the gazelle. He pounces.

And all the while, his heart hurts. Cold and dead, and no longer beating.

**Author's Note:**

> Neku never properly apologizes for trying to kill Shiki so I'm over here bonking him with a rolled up newspaper like "say it like you mean it!!!"
> 
> Anyway I'm so emo about this game, follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starrytect) (or don't) :V


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